Chapter 3 - I Carry Your Heart with Me(I Carry it in My Heart) - E.E. Cummings

Edward’s POV - 1st person

Standing there looking like Bambi’s mother. I mumbled to myself as I pushed into a men’s restroom for the second time in 2 hours.

I first noticed her sitting there after Mama Florence yelled for her and I heard her scowl. It was pretty funny. I couldn’t see her clearly from where I was standing, but she sounded like an angry kitten that thinks it’s a jungle cat.

“What. The. Fuck?” I said aloud as I looked at the prominent bulge behind the zipper of my jeans and felt that familiar heat bubbling up in my stomach. Why was I having this type of a reaction to the sound of a woman’s voice and the feel of her hair? Isabella, “Bella” she said, smelled like strawberries, peanut butter cookies, fresh bread, and coffee. It was intoxicating. I had dated and was even married for 6 years and never felt this strong of a draw before. I touched women in ways that would seem very intimate to most people every damn day in the ER with no reaction at all. What am I, 17 years old? I don’t know what’s wrong with me today.

Bella means “beautiful in Italian and Spanish. The name certainly is fitting. Stop it! Get a grip on yourself! Shit! More unwanted mental imagery that wasn’t helping the problem.

I heard her approaching me earlier. She didn’t surprise me or anything. I was distracted by this electrical hum that started to whir around me. When I looked up, I jumped at her appearance and the sound she made. She looked like a startled angel. She had the most beautifully innocent face I had ever seen with a halo of soft-looking deep brown hair that I just wanted to bury my hands in. I reached out to touch it, after I did my “examination,” without thinking and stopped myself to ask permission to touch her before I did something really stupid. She was a tiny thing. All of 5‘ 4“ and maybe 115 lbs, if that much.

I wasn’t expecting the silkiness of her strands and the electric shock of heat that shot through my fingertips, through my heart and right to the problem I was sporting in my pants right now. I yanked my hand back.

Jesus Christ! I’m surprised I didn’t swear out loud again.

The coffee scald on the skin of my leg still stung a little, but I knew it wasn’t serious. I could simply go back to Mama’s first-aid kit and get some burn spray for it. I just needed to get away from this “Bella” woman before I completely embarrassed myself. I didn’t mean to be so harsh towards her. I was doing a lot of that lately. People must think I’m a monster. I took two strands of my hair from one side of my head and wrapped it around the rest of my locks to tie them together again.

My mind kept flashing to images of Disney princesses when I thought of her eyes. “Beauty and the Beast” came immediately to mind. I had spent way too much time over the last year watching those types of movies with my friend Jasper Whitlock’s 4 year-old daughter, Britney. We were quickly becoming the two of the most pathetic divorces in the city of Chicago. In fact, we would probably have to expand the radius of our pathetic condition to the entire Midwest.

Did she damn near purr when I touched her head? Maybe that was me. I have officially lost my mind.

Room 1918...Seth’s hospital room number and thoughts of my father’s look of anger and disappointment flashed through my mind as I looked in the mirror. This immediately resolved and deflated my obvious state of arousal. Maybe once I got a good night’s sleep I’d be myself again.

Who am I kidding? I’ve always been kind of an asshole. Life had just taught me how to reign in my assholery so that I could get along a little better with people other than the family that loved me no matter what.

I walked back out into the dining area and panicked a little because I didn’t feel the electricity or see my Bella. My Bella? What. The . Hell? Snap out of it! You don’t know this woman. I walked into the kitchen to get the burn spray and saw her standing there putting a band-aid on her knee. My heart rate sped up and I could feel that pull again. What is happening to me? I walked up behind her as quietly as I could. I didn’t want to startle her. Obviously, she had a problem remaining upright. She looked at me, we locked eyes, and she reached in the cabinet and handed me the burn spray.

My mouth fell open, slightly.

“Thanks.” My voice squeaked a little. She must think I’m a girl.

“No problem.” Two little words from her...jeans problem is back. I quickly sat down on the stool next to the cabinet and crossed one leg over the other in classic man-style under the pretense of applying the burn treatment. I knew I had to get out of there as quickly as possible. This little woman was completely unraveling my composure.

“Florence said you might come looking for that.” She said as though she were reading my mind with a slight blush to her cheeks. I did not want her reading my mind any time soon because she would run away screaming. She was looking at me so directly that it made me uncomfortable, but I couldn’t look away.

“Are you alright?” My voice sounded normal again.

She closed her eyes, inhaled like she smelled something pleasant and smiled a little. “I’m fine, doc. You don’t trust your mad skills?”

I chuckled at that because, as of the last few hours, I didn’t. However, she seemed much more verbal and confident. “Well, I didn’t get to examine you as thoroughly as I would normally.” I immediately blushed as I realized the innuendo of my statement. What the devil? Maybe she didn’t notice.

Her eyes widened and her cheeks went an adorable shade of pink. She noticed. She closed the first-aid cabinet after I put the spray back.

”Are you okay?” I felt a twinge of emotion because I rarely get asked that question outside of family and friends.

”I‘m fine. It wasn‘t that bad. No blood. No foul.”

“Good.” She flashed me a smile and I noticed for the first time how full her lips were and how beautiful her smile was. “The cookies are ready when you are.”

I had forgotten about the cookies that I came to the diner for. She started to walk away and I reached out to grab her hand. I needed to touch her. I didn’t pull away when I felt the burn.

“Sorry for being an asshole.” I pleaded with her with my eyes, but I tried to maintain some semblance of the mask I had developed over the years for my public persona.

“D-D-Don’t let it happen again.” She was trying to display her kitten-like furry again, but stuttered shattering the effect. I let her hand drop realizing I was probably making her nervous in a stalker kind of way by touching her and staring at her like I was.

I smiled in what I hoped was a reassuring and “non-Ted Bundy” way as I followed her back into the dining area.

“Well, well, well. I thought I was gonna have to come back there and get you two.” Florence said with a wink and a smile.

There were about five more customers sitting in the restaurant now. Bella hopped into action helping where she saw it was needed. I watched her interact with the customers as I ate my lukewarm peanut butter cookies. I was surprised to find that only about 20 minutes had passed since the coffee incident. An older man, apparently a regular customer, pointed to her knee and asked her what she did to herself this time. Bella rolled her eyes a little and touched the man lightly on the shoulder. He was obviously flirting with her and stared at her ass as she walked away.

Did I just growl? The noise startled me. I felt a flash of anger, jealousy, and protectiveness all rolled up into one. Again...What. The. Fuck?

I shot up off my stool at the counter where I was sitting because my favorite booth was now sectioned off like a crime scene with a wet floor sign. I walked around the counter so I wouldn’t get smacked in the back of the head for yelling my godmother’s name.

“Mama, I’m out. I apparently need to get some sleep. Thanks so much for the cookies. I needed them.” I leaned in to kiss her on the cheek.

“You’re welcome, hon. Anytime. I wouldn’t mine if you came by more often you know.” She leaned into my kiss and hugged me again. “Oh! Bella’s getting off in a few. Her replacement is here. Can you wait and walk her out to her car?” Florence grinned at me in a way that I didn’t quite understand.

“Okay. ” I said slowly, secretly thrilled, and wondered what she was up to. She put the remainder of my cookies in a Styrofoam container and patted me on the cheek. “Why?” I asked, but really didn’t need to know the answer to wait for Bella. She motioned for me to bend down so she could talk directly in my ear.

“There’s a boy that can’t seem to take ‘no’ for an answer that I don’t like the looks of.” She said it lowly, as though she didn’t want to take the chance of Bella hearing her.

“Has he hurt her. If so, has she filed a police report. These types of guys need to be taken seriously.” I shuddered as I thought about the ER patients I treated who didn’t take these men at their word when they threatened violence.

“Relax, tiger. He hasn’t attacked her. But, there’s something about him I don’t like.” I trusted Florence’s intuition. She was usually dead-on about people’s character.

I turned and looked out the window to take note of the cars in the lot besides mine. I saw my car, of course, a red BMW, an old Chevy truck that looked like a reject from “Sanford & Son,” Florence’s Cadillac, and about three other cars that could belong to the patrons in the restaurant now.

I looked across the street and saw smoke coming out of the exhaust pipe of a small car with its lights out. My eyes narrowed to see if I could make out a person in that car. I had a bad feeling that was the “doesn’t take no” guy.

I settled back onto my stool at the counter furious that someone would even think about hurting my Bella...What is the deal with that? I’m not much worse than him. I saw Bella chatting with a young lady that she seemed to know well with blonde hair and striking blue eyes. They both turned to look out the window after Bella leaned in and told her something. The blonde’s eyes narrowed and her mouth turned down into a frown. I walked towards them to hear what they were saying...stalker. Shut up!

“Excuse me, ladies. Bella, Florence asked me to stay and walk you out to your car.” It was supposed to be a statement, but came out in the inflection of a question. The blonde looked at me and grinned as she brought her cup up of coffee up to her mouth to drink and Bella turned about three different shades of red. I didn’t know what that was about.

“She shouldn’t have done that. I mean...I don’t need an escort, Eddi---I mean....” I interrupted her.

“Edward. Just call me Edward. Eddie is the name of the kid on that show ‘The Munsters’.”

“Edward, I don’t mean to seem ungrateful, but I’m fine.”

“What about that guy that waits for you?” I asked curious about her reaction.

She stilled and looked at me with wide eyes. “Florence told yo---He’s harmless. His name is Paul and I went out with him once. I told him I wasn’t interested in really dating him and we could be friends. I guess he’s being persistent.” The blonde snorted and rolled her eyes. I looked at her not expecting such a sound to come from a woman and Bella’s cheeks flushed again.

“Persistant? Ha! He doesn’t even talk to you. He just sits there and stares like the momma’s boy he is. If he doesn’t stop this shit, I’ll go to the police myself.” Rose said through clenched teeth.

Bella blanched at her tone and then startled like she had just remembered something.

“I’m so rude! Edward Cullen, this is Rosalie Hale. Rose, this is Edward.” Rosalie extended her hand and I took it with a slight smile. She didn’t seem too friendly, but she seemed as protective of her friend as I felt almost instantly.

“So, you’re Edward? Bella was right....” Bella reached out and smacked her on the arm before she completed her sentence...hard. I looked at her a little shocked that she could muster up that much force from such a little arm.

“Ow! Son of a bitch! What’d you do that for, you little munchkin?” Rosalie was about 4 inches shorter than me and towered over Bella. I noticed after she hopped up out of her seat in reaction to being punched in arm.

“Regardless if you want it or not, I’m walking you to your car.” I said as forcefully as I could muster. I didn’t want that sad look on her face again, or the angry kitten, as I was starting to label it.

Angry kitten it was. She stood toe to stomach with me and raised her chin slightly in a defiant stance. It took every ounce of self-control in my body not to pick her up and hug her, or kiss her until she stopped being angry.

I guess she sensed I was just as determined as she and backed down with a defeated look. “Fine. I’m going to punch out now.”

I watched her walk away and I noticed two men watching her. I scowled at them under my breath and Rosalie interrupted my plan of attack.

“Whoa there, stud. Don’t pounce.” I couldn’t believe I was being so obvious. “Sit down and talk to me. She’ll be a few minutes.” I sat down embarrassed realizing that I was probably about the same shade of red as Bella was earlier. It was an odd thing to be a black man that was light enough to blush noticeably. People had teased me about it mercilessly most of my life. I had pretty much stopped blushing when I hit my late 20s. I guess I had stopped being surprised or embarrassed by much during my residency. But, it had come back with a force this evening.

“Rosalie, I---”

“Rose. My friends call me, Rose. You’re a doctor, huh?” She cut me off mid-sentence and I hesitated for a moment because obviously Bella had been talking about me to her friend. I wondered if she felt anything similar to what I was feeling. I was surprised at how friendly Rose actually was as opposed to my earlier reaction to her.

“Okay, Rose it is. Yes. I’m a doctor. How do you know, Bella?” I asked just making conversation and not being a creepy dude, I convinced myself.

“Oh, Bella and me go way back.” She quipped easily as though we were old friends. “When Bella first came to Chicago, she came to a career fair at McCormick Place. I was there helping my mother set up a booth and Bella came wandering over. My mother’s a judge, Bella wants to be a lawyer. I told her to stick around so she can talk to her and we just started hanging out.” Her blue eyes locked on mine. “When our other friend Alice can’t come, I walk her out to her car. This Paul guy gives me the creeps. Bella is too trusting for her own damn good. I guess it’s that small town mentality.”

Her friendly manner shifted suddenly. “By the way, if you turn out to be a creep like this Paul guy, I’ll stab you in the heart, pull it out, and eat it for dinner.” She smiled at me after making her declaration.

I shivered because I had just watched “Silence of the Lambs" and was having a strange feeling of deja vu. I could clearly imagine her strapped to a gurney, wearing a face-mask, and following through on her word after she killed a couple of guards.

“Well Rose, that was extremely graphic and nauseating. And I work in the ER, so I know what
I’m talking about.” I stated trying to sound unaffected and not as scared as I was. “I’m glad you and this Alice person care so much about her. It’s hard to find good friends in a big city.”

Her demeanor changed from the facetious grin she planted on her face to threaten me into a genuine smile. “You feel it, too, huh? Bella elicits feelings of protectiveness from people.”

“Apparently so.” I felt the electricity again and I turned around to see Bella, sans uniform, and Florence approaching us. She had a black messenger bag slug over her shoulder. She was wearing black skinny jeans with an oversized maroon and white “UofC" hoodie and black Air Force 1s (She knew she was in Michael Jordontown. A woman after my own heart). She looked much tinier and younger in her street clothes than in her uniform. She was carrying her winter coat, which looked like a three-quarter length charcoal pea coat. I wanted to scold her and tell her to put that coat on. I knew I would be met with the angry kitten again if I did. I was already pushing my luck. Rose and I stood up to leave with her. I took her messenger bag from her and she blushed again. I think she had me beat in the blushing department.

“You all be careful out there.” Florence said and kissed me again after waggling her eyebrows at me. I’ll have to remember to ask her about her strange behaviors when I see her again.

Strange behaviors? At least, she’s not attaching herself to people she’s known for less than an hour. Shut up! Answering and arguing with my inner dialogue was a new thing I was becoming concerned about.

We walked out to the parking lot and I wondered which car was hers. When she walked towards the “Sanford and Son” truck I almost laughed out loud but coughed to cover up the reaction. Rose approached the candy red BMW that was sitting right next to it.

“Bella!” Rose huffed, “Why don’t you get rid of that piece of shit. I mean I, more than anyone, can appreciate a classic, but this attachment to this metal monster is ridiculous.” I shared her sentiment. I couldn’t imagine this truck being very reliable, although she would survive almost any accident, with the exeption of a semi. The thought of her having an accident with a semi made me shiver with fear and I grabbed her hand.

Bella looked at my hand like it was a viper, but she didn’t pull away. I gently took her keys out of her hand, unlocked her driver-side door, and opened it for her like the gentlemen my parents raised me to be, then I set her messenger bag between the seats. At the same time, I was looking at the little car with the engine running sitting across the street from us. As soon as I really focused on the car, the occupant turned on the lights and sped away.

“Was that Paul?” I asked Bella. She didn’t answer so I turned back to her and realized her cheeks were red again and she was shivering. “I’ll stay here while you warm up your car.” I mentally kicked myself for not warming up her car for her and then I turned to my car and used the remote to start it and warm it up. Rose answered my question for her.

“Yeah. That’s the creep. He doesn’t peel away when I walk her out. I guess he doesn’t realize
I’ll kick his ass, too.” I really liked Rose, although she frightened me a little.

I realized I was still holding Bella’s hand and her car would never get warm if she couldn’t close her door. So, I asked her to unlock her passenger door before I reluctantly let it go and closed her door. I heard her flick the button and let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding. I opened up the door and climbed in quickly. The cab smelled like Bella and I had to stop myself from drooling a little.

“Are you going to put that coat on, or is it just arm decoration?” I asked a little more forcefully than I intended. Rose knocked on the window, blew a kiss at Bella, saluted me and did an eye to eye gesture. I recognized the implied threat and she hopped in her BMW.

“What was that all about, Father?” Bella asked with mock irritation, but slid her coat over her shoulders. If she only knew. My feelings were not at all paternal. “It’s too bulky to wear while I’m driving.” She offered as explanation for not wearing her winter coat.

“Oh. Well, Rose was just reminding me of something she told me earlier.” Was my brilliant retort. I needed to stay in touch with her and was worried that this Paul character would try to follow her home.

“Let me see your phone, please.” She immediately handed me her cell, which surprised me a little. I dialed in my cell number and then used her phone to call myself so I would have hers.

“Call me as soon as you walk in the door, Bella. I want to know that you made it home safely. It doesn’t matter how long it takes or how late it is. How far away from here do you live?”

“About 15 minutes.” She said in a small voice.

“Ok. I’ll just wait for your call then.” I was fully intending to call her in exactly 20 minutes from the time she pulled out, if she didn’t call me first.

As soon as I stepped out of her truck a piece of my heart started to rend. I couldn’t believe I could develop these types of feelings for someone so quickly. I must be having a heart attack. I looked at the Bambi eyes one last time and reluctantly closed the door. Yep. Heart attack. I’ll go get checked out tomorrow, or later on today.

“Don’t forget. Call me when you get home.” She nodded. I wish she would’ve spoken to me. I already loved her voice. Loved?...What the hell?

Stalker. Shut up!