Chapter 1: Word Causing Pain Makes Anger Come Up...

This had not been a good week for Edward Cullen. A complaint had been made against him and now he had to go and talk to his father, the Chief of Emergency Medicine at the University of Chicago Medical Center, to discuss the situation. His father had made a special effort to be there at this late hour. on a Thursday night, to speak to his son.

“Carlisle.” Edward tapped on his father’s office door and peeked his head in. Edward always loved coming to his father’s office at work and home ever since he was a child. It smelled like Carlisle, which constricted his chest with loving sense memories. The office smelled like “Old Spice” aftershave that Carlisle never seemed to tire of although he could definitely afford to upgrade to a more modern scent. Potpourri that his wife and Edward’s mother, Esme, made for him that smelled like roses and oranges. The potpourri was designed to mask the scent of his cigars, but never really did. Edward’s tension eased when he inhaled, but returned when he remembered why he was there. “You needed to see me?”

“Yes, son. Sit down.” Carlisle didn’t look up at him when he spoke. Edward couldn’t see how or, if he had an angry look; a look he tried desperately since his teenage years to keep off Carlisle’s face.

Edward sat down in one of the dark brown leather chairs in front of Carlisle’s mahogany desk and started bouncing his leg up down unconsciously and running his right hand through his wayward locs and twisting them. He glanced up at his father and noticed him running his hand through his hair and pinching the bridge of his nose. Once he saw the habit reflected back at him, he stopped.

“Edward, I received a complaint from the parents of a girl in the ER, Bree Summers. Do you recall the girl I’m speaking of?”

Edward’s mouth went dry and he swallowed loudly.

“Yes. She had taken an overdose of vitamins to...attempt suicide...and nobody knew if there was iron in the tablets. They pumped her stomach to be on the safe side.”

“Edward, do you recall overhearing anyone say, ‘Let’s stick her outside in the rain to see if she rusts?’” Carlisle asked clearly agitated. Edward winced.

“No, sir. I did not hear that statement.” Edward heard a few of the nurses laughing when he walked up to the nurse’s station, but he didn’t know what they were laughing about. He couldn’t believe someone would say that. But, he had said something much worse.

“Son, did you say in front of a suicidal patient, ‘Give the case to someone else. I only want to work with people who want to live today?’”

Edward shifted in his seat under the intense scrutiny of his usually even-tempered father. Those words did come out of his mouth, but he had just lost a transplant patient who was the same age as Bree who would’ve done anything to live a few more years. He was completely distraught and not thinking clearly.

“Yes, Carlisle. I did say that. I didn’t even realize I was speaking that loudly...I”

Carlisle cut him off.

“I don’t think I want or need to hear an explanation. I know you lost a patient you cared about yesterday, Edward. I don’t think I need to tell you that you are not God. You don’t get to decide who you will and will not work on. You are on a three-week suspension with no pay starting now.”

“Dad, I’m really sorry. Is there any way I can talk to the parents or Bree, at least.”

“Edward, they don’t want to be in the same vicinity as you and have vowed never to come back to this hospital, even in case of emergency. You will not go near their daughter.” Carlisle was more angry than Edward had ever seen him. Edward didn’t want to upset him any further, so he remained quiet. Carlisle let out a breath and slowed down his breathing clearly attempting to calm himself.

“Look son, you need a break. You’ve been working double-shifts for the last three weeks. You’ve been working here for 4 years, not including your residency, without a real vacation. You need to get away from here. Consider this suspension a vacation and take the time to get your head together.” Carlisle walked over to Edward while he was saying this and put his hand on his shoulder.

“Is Bree alright?” Edward asked realizing the psychological damage he may have caused to someone who was already troubled, obviously.

“No. But, she will be. I referred her to your friend, Dr. Whitlock. She is going to be held for a mandatory 2-week psych evaluation. The least I can do is send her to the best and guess what? The bill is on you.”

Edward looked up at his father and nodded. That was only fair.

“I’m sorry, Dad.” Edward could feel the sting from the tears that were threatening to fall.

“Don’t apologize to me. You didn’t hurt me. Just go home and start your vacation. I’ll talk to the board. You haven’t had any other complaints and the suspension should be a sufficient reprimand. I’ll let you know if they disagree.” Carlisle was pretty sure the board hadn’t even heard about his incident. Fortunately for Edward, the complaint went straight to him. He wanted to impress upon his son the seriousness of what he had done and hoped this would convince his tenacious son that he needed a break.

Edward got up out of his chair to leave. He was able to move his legs but they felt like dead weight. He stumbled a little and grabbed the desk to prevent a fall to the floor.

“Son, I know you really liked Seth and were pulling for him to get better. Sometimes, things just aren’t fair. There are things we don’t have control over.” Carlisle knew Edward had met Seth in emergency and stuck with him through the process of needing a heart transplant. Seth Clearwater was a 15 year-old Native American kid, from the Quileute tribe of Forks, Washington in Chicago visiting his sister, Leah, when he fell ill. He ended up having to stay in Chicago because of how ill he was. He had soulful brown eyes and clear reddish-brown skin which had become puffy and splotchy due to his illness and the steroids he needed to take. He was a happy kid with a positive outlook, a beautiful white even smile, and a promising future in baseball. The acute pericarditus left him with only one option..transplant. Apparently, he had kidney nephritis which had gone for a while undetected, untreated and resulted in his heart problem.

“I know life’s not fair better than anybody, Dad.” Carlisle nodded and lowered his head for fear he would start to cry if he looked in his son’s haunted eyes.

“I love you, son.”

“Love you, too.”

Edward walked out of his father’s office in a daze with the words..."they don’t want to be in the same vicinity as you” echoing in his mind. It almost mirrored the words his ex-wife shouted at him the day she left the year before:

“You are just not available to me anymore, Edward. Even when you’re physically here you’re not here.”

“What do you want me to do, Tanya? You knew you were marrying a doctor. My job is important. I don’t get to sit at home and think of reasons to be pissed off all the damn time. I don’t have that luxury.”

“Edward, you are such an asshole! “When did that happen? You asked me not to work. Do you have amnesia now?” Tanya said between tears of anger and sorrow for what they had lost. You used to be fun, sweet, attentive, and loving. Where is my best friend? At one time I couldn’t stand to be away from you. Now, I don’t even want to be in the same room as you. I’m done.”

He walked into the men’s restroom to splash some cold water on his face. He looked up at the mirror and gasped. The locs he had been growing since his senior year of high school looked dry and damaged. The red that was usually subdued by the loc butter he rubbed through his hair was very prominent as opposed to the sandy brown. His hazel green eyes were bloodshot surrounded by dark circles. His normally clear mocha coffee skin was splotchy with dry patches. His cheekbones were more prominent like he had lost weight. He looked down at his hands and they were shaking. They could’ve been shaking from lack of sleep, too much Red Bull, coffee, and Mountain Dew, or a combination thereof. Nobody had even mentioned how bad he looked, which probably meant he had looked like this for a while.

He did not look like the 34 year-old man he was. He realized that Carlisle was right. It was time to take a break. He might even take longer than the three weeks.

He walked past the nurses station and saw Jessica Stanley and Lauren Mallory gossiping, as usual. They were two of the nurses there that day. He wanted to talk to them.

“Jessica. Lauren.”

“Hi, Edward.” They said in unison while giggling for some reason unknown by Edward.

“Ladies, if you have a minute, can I ask you a question?” He said somewhat sarcastically.

“Sure.” Jessica replied with a huge grin. They didn’t seem to catch onto his tone.

“Do you remember the young girl that came in yesterday afternoon...the suicide attempt...Bree?”

“Yes.” Lauren replied and they both looked away.

“Did you hear anybody say, 'Let’s put her outside and see if she rusts’ when someone questioned if there was iron in the tablets she took?” He didn’t expect an answer. He just wanted to see the reaction.

“Uuuuhhh....No. I didn’t hear anybody say that. Who would say something like that.” Lauren said almost too quickly while Jessica looked down at her shoes.

“Hmmmpf...I don’t know. It’s probably just an ugly rumor. Well, you ladies have a nice evening.” He walked away pretty sure that it was Lauren that said it or her idiot cousin Tyler Crowley who was also a nurse on duty that afternoon.

Edward walked to the locker room, changed his clothes, cleared his locker and headed home. He couldn’t be mad at whomever said it. He had done much worse.

He hopped into his silver Volvo C70 coupe and sat there for a minute while the car warmed up. He laid his head on the steering wheel wondering if he wanted to go to his Hyde Park home when he knew nobody was there. He decided he didn’t want to be alone right now and headed to the one place he knew where he could get some comfort.